All quiet on the south eastern front

hitting deer, getting hit by deer, hitting people with sticks, shotgun toting idiots, and maybe even a brief discourse on injurious accidents.

Today was very quiet. I mean, almost quiet enough for the officers on the street to start complaining that they didn’t have anything to do. However, yesterday was quite eventful. For those of you titillated beyond your ability to withstand by my teaser yesterday, I have prepared a post for today. In order:

There are some officers you can lie to about traffic accidents. There are some you can not lie to. Yesterday morning a girl called in that she had swerved to avoid a deer and crashed. Apperently she had walked from the crash site, 3 or 4 miles in 25 degree (F) weather and then called. Sounds sketchy, but not impossible. Unfortunately for her, the officer assigned to that beat was also a registered crash site investigator. She repeated her story to him, and he found it pretty ridiculous too. He went out to the crash site and noticed something interesting. In most avoidance crashes the skid marks start on the road, and these clearly started, well, quite a ways off the road.

So he puts two and two together: crash site, skid marks starting off the road, 2-3 hour delay on the call… intoxicated driver. He goes back and talks to her again, but she wants to stick by her story. He’s a pretty smart guy and eventually convinces her that it’s a much better idea for her to tell the truth. She breaks down crying and does. He let’s her slide because he’s a pretty nice guy.

Two other important notes: this was her room mate’s car, her license was suspended. Doh.

Shorter and less amusing: I had a woman who wanted to call in what we call an “Accidental Damage” incident. She had hit a deer. However, she insisted on the phone that the deer had hit her. While not impossible, judging by the road she was on when it happened, that deer would have to have some dang good timing to ram a car going 55 mph…

Do not hit your sister with a stick. The police will find you, and if you are not a minor, they will make you sorry for doing it. We got a 911 call from a panicked woman that this boy was hitting his sister and that she was bleeding. We responded ETS and three or four mark units (note: Mark units are uniformed police officers). The poor guy never had a chance. In all honesty the officers didn’t rough him up, but jail isn’t much fun.

This is the south, you are expected to carry a gun in your car. No big deal. A bit of advice, however: do not take that shotgun with you when you exit the car after being pulled over. The police do not play around, and they will shoot you until you stay down. The idiot survived, but I sure as heck would have shot him too.

All that yesterday. (Well, the shooting happened in Opelika, but hey…) Today? Two actual fires (which is actually abnormally high), six traffic stops, three alarm responses, four motor vehicle accidents with no injuries, one stalled car. Woohoo.

Well, I guess I don’t really mind the slow days… They’re way better than dispatching officers into situations where people have guns. Which reminds me, if you call 911 and tell me “He’s got a gun, and my leg’s been cut off.” I will probably dispatch a ridiculous number of people to your house. It might be a good idea to mention that your leg was surgically removed years ago, and that some crazy man with a gun didn’t just hack it off with a machete.

Also, if the police tell you to give them your gun, I recommend you do so. It reduces the number of times you’ll get shot.


2 Responses to “All quiet on the south eastern front”

  1. shouldberaining says:

    I was in a friend’s car, he was driving about 45 miles per hour. The SUV in front of us hits a deer that was halfway across the road. The deer goes down right on the double yellow line, and the SUV in from of us pulls off to the side of the road. My friend slows down a bit, and just as he is going past the deer, it gets up and rams into the side of the car.

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